Day 11: Selfless Good Deed

Season 5, Episode 4 of Friends (how could I blog straight for 75 days without mentioning Friends, the show that has gotten me through so much?) “The one where Pheobe hates PBS.” Here is the summary:

Phoebe says she hates PBS because it reminds her of the miserable days when her mother watched Sesame Street on it before committing suicide and even bitches Joey's telethon is selfishness masquerading as a good deed. When he retorts there is no such thing as a truly selfless good deed, she promises to prove him wrong.

I am going to side with Joey on this – at least when it comes to me and my scheming. I am constantly – forever – figuring out my schedule, and with this new endeavor, nothing has presented itself as more of a challenge than my time allocation.  In the end though, I'm always trying to balance what I do, and the time I ask of others, with what I can give and how I can help take the load from others.

First, my Saturdays at UMBC are sort of working, but sort of not. I am not entirely able to just walk out of the door at 8am on a Saturday comfortable with leaving Tim with the entire responsibility of entertaining the girls for a day. I don't mean that Tim can't do it – he is better with the girls than I am, I think. But I mean, it's a lot. I suppose he's not constantly burdened with the research he should be doing which might in turn give him more patience, but still. So while I've gotten SOME work done, I've not been able to commit the entire day as I'd originally envisioned.

And now dawns the football season. I remember last year, with Z a newborn and Mari recently introduced to Tim's iPad and Disney Junior, Tim commenting, “I am not sure we should buy the NFL Ticket (a TV package) next year since it really isn't appropriate for the girls to just set here watching an iPad all day while we try and get a glimpse of all the games going on each week.” And I agreed.

One of the more obvious concessions of focusing on completing a dissertation is that a possible 10 to 11-hour day of watching football is just no longer feasible. AND assuming I give up 10 to 11 hours of family time on a Saturday by researching and writing, it seems to me I'd be available to hang with the gals the next day, while Tim DOES watch football. And this means that I am doing a good deed by allowing Tim to have some Tim-time. But in the end, it frees up my conscience so that I can up and leave on a Saturday without thinking twice. And that is very important. 

So enters a revised schedule but one that I think might make me feel like I'm pulling my weight a little more. Tim has girls on Saturday; I have girls on Sunday – AND we remain married. Sounds like a custody agreement, but ya know, it's a dissertation agreement which might and probably does lead to divorce for some folks. Not here, not the Daltons of York, not now... not ever. BUT for those who are watching football – just don't rub it in. I'll miss it even if it does free me some from guilt. The best part is, the season goes beyond my challenge so I should get a glimpse of some of the games this season.  For now though, I offer my time - so I can be with my girls, but also so that I don't feel so damned guilty walking out of the door every Saturday...