Little White Lies

Here's the thing: I appreciate...no I EXPECT honesty.  Battling the ins and outs of "pretendhood" is exhausting.  When I enter an office or conference room, or encounter a colleague at a meeting, I am very often told that I shouldn't be working, "Oh you should be at home with your baby."  "Where is your baby?," etc, etc.  And so, I politely explain that she is in childcare, yes, I would LOVE to be at home with my child, but I also am passionate about my job.  And as if a new button were depressed on the microwave, we go into crunch mode.  The tasks are given, the timelines are short, and the demands are high - the expectations mount exponentially from the time I was sweetly told I should be at home with my child.  

The "best" was when I was on what was quasi-maternity leave.  I made myself available to phone calls, emails and various meetings if necessary, since I was in a new position and still closing out an old position.   Someone emailed me a list of about 40 people that needed to be contacted and said it was a perfect job for me since I could make calls while the baby was sleeping... "Oh and how IS that dear sweet baby of yours?" No comment except to say I never called a single one of those people...

And I'm not quite sure which "Little White Lie" I find more offensive - that I should be at home with my child (as if writing me off), or that I should accomplish more in the next week than many people are expected to accomplish in a month.  One of them MUST be a lie because they exist at opposite ends of the "expectation spectrum."  And the high expectations isn't what necessarily offends me, it is the fact that I was just told I should make sure to "spend time with your child, make her the priority, she will grow quickly, time will fly, before you know it she will be driving, graduating high school, entering college..."  Well, if I'm going to be camped up in my office for the entire weekend delivering your charge, I can understand how I would miss out on important milestones...

Thankfully I do have those I encounter who actually do want me to have time to spend with my child.  They understand I am working, but for now, it is a strictly 8 to 4 type of job because I have my rule, "If she is awake when I am at home, I am with her." PERIOD.  We discuss priorities, but we also discuss the essential tasks versus those that can wait to be completed.  They are honest.

And I do have my secret weapon, my child herself.  If she weren't in child care she would be booked solid with people that want to see her again.  And for those who really do respect my time, you better believe I will make the time to bring her over. There is nothing, I do not think, more satisfying for a mother than to share the joy of her child with others.  But for those who talk the talk, and expect me to walk all the walks, I smile and nod, and say, "Yes, sometime soon, I will bring her around."  And THAT my friends, is my own little white lie.