The Weighting Game

This past Sunday, Samara was baptized.  My husband and I used this occasion to throw a big party for people to meet and visit with Samara.  There were many people there, so we - trying to be good hosts - made sure there was enough food.  We went the "veggie platter and deli meat platter route," as that seemed easiest.  We also had desserts, beer, wine, etc.  And the aftermath leaves me with a lot of food.

And the amount of food at my fingertips makes it even harder to shed the pounds.  I have tried so hard to get back on track with my eating.  And the thing of it is, I was not a bad eater during my pregnancy.  I was well aware that I was NOT eating for two.  My baby was only a fraction of my weight so my additional caloric intake was only fractional.  I also maintained a workout schedule somewhat similar to my pre-preggo routine.  Oddly, it was the month or two after returning home from the hospital that got me into my current bad eating habits.  At that point, after the birth and its toll on my body, I knew it was going to be weeks and weeks before I ventured to a gym again.  So due to some weird justification, I told myself it was okay to eat what I wanted because I wasn't going to the gym.  I couldn't be "exercise healthy" so told myself not to be "diet healthy" either.

Isn't that counter-intuitive?  To know that you are not going to go to the gym so you start to eat whatever you want?  And yet, that is what I am now learning about myself.  I have an all-or-nothing mentality.  If I am not going to be going to the gym for a few days, then I let my eating habits drop as well.  The more I go to the gym, the better my diet.  Not to mention that I have a treadmill in my basement - why not use it?  My husband runs on it practically every day, so I know it works well.  Why not run on the days I can't make it to the gym?

I start my improved diet and exercise regimen for a few days, then stop - either because of an impending deadline that inhibits me from going to the gym, or a huge family weekend where I want to enjoy without worrying about my diet.  And because I just had a family weekend, and I have a deadline (well I missed it, it was June 30) I am - AGAIN - postponing the gym.  This is Part I of The Weighting Game - the aspect where I push off the diet and exercise routine because I know it takes so much out of me.  I "wait" for the best time.  The fact of the matter is, there is no "best" time.  Then, once I am on my regimen, I have to understand that there are not immediate results.  As with most people, there are a few days if not a few weeks you must diet and exercise before expecting results.  I call this Part II of The Weighting Game.  If I can make it through these Parts of my life, than I think I will be happier with myself.

I look back to my pre-preggo weight, which was my happiest adult weight, and I want it back so badly.  It isn't so much my clothes fitting as much as it was my healthy, happy routine.  I felt fit.  THAT is what I miss.  So I hope my Weighting Game ends soon.