Good morning,
So sometimes the hardest part about getting the work done isn't the work itself but getting it all organized and ready for the part of the day that I would like to work on it. Today and tomorrow are tough ones, for example. I have a family-event today and a family-friendly-event tomorrow. The distinction matters not but they are events I am eager to attend. I sent in my draft yesterday so am not entirely sure what to work on today and once I do determine what it'll be I have to locate and print the materials, etc. etc. This SHOULD be something I've avoided by keeping a detailed notebook journal of my research for each day. Which I have been doing, sort of, but the work weeks are so fast that anything I accomplish seems to blend in together.
And so once I do figure out what work it is, I am going to fit it in with teaching at the gym, driving down to Dissertation House, doing the work itself, going to events here and there, and returning home (probably to either crash or work more... depends on my level of excitement with what I've done)
To do list:
10. Apply as a USDOE Federal Reviewer (not a full time job, or anything. A side-gig)
9. PINTEREST, Baby! That's right, I've never looked KNOWING it is a time-sucker!
8. Clean out the garage
7. Complete the scrapbooking projects I have for the girls
6. Fix up the area I envision as a mudroom (which will cut down on dirt in the house)
5. GO TO THE GYM as often as I want (without feeling guilty)
4. Read a newspaper with coffee in the morning (without feeling guilty)
3. Write a will
2. Read a novel (without feeling guilty)
1. Learn Spanish
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Friday, August 9, 2013
Day 9: Domesticated
Hello,
The big news for the day is that the Chair of my committee is now back in the U.S.!!! This means he might actually check his email and respond to drafts of my work. That has been, by far, the most frustrating part of my dissertation journey this summer. I put my entire family on financial hold so that I could concentrate full-time on writing my dissertation and whose schedule doesn't jive? My Chair's. An important research paper, presented in Prague, really threw a wrench in my productivity plans.
In one of my blogs (I skimmed but couldn't find reference) from either earlier this year or last year, I focused on my weakness in enjoying the process of things. Hey, I'm a checklist gal and I can't help it. I somewhat enjoy what I do but I enjoy giving myself credit for what I do just as much - and that means even during my free time. It's a little obsessive but I believe it is how I can multi-task well enough to do what I try and do.
Anyways, I remember starting on my full-time writing gig in June and people asking me whether this'd be enough time to complete by July 31. I'd answer, "Well, it better be because it's the only time I've got." And slowly, as my advisor failed to respond, as I learned of his departure from this country during just the time that I had set aside, as I read one of his few responses questioning an entire 2-weeks of work product, and as I considered making this project a masters' thesis I realized that God was probably laughing... I thought I had it figured out and I prayed every night that God wouldn't make this any harder than it had already been. I told Him I'd put aside the time and that this was it and I needed it done now. Sort of like what I am planning on doing with this 75-Day Challenge, but in this Challenge I have conceded to the fact that I'm managing multiple things and my time won't come easy and each decision I make will be a sacrifice to something else I could or should be doing. I get it. I am learning to enjoy it - enjoy the process. Submit. Surrender. Succeed.
So here's to hoping that the draft I sent him this morning (with MANY disclaimers about things that should have been done here, or will be done there) will arrive with comments on some near-future-date that indicate I'm at least on the right track...
To do list:
9. PINTEREST, Baby! That's right, I've never looked KNOWING it is a time-sucker!
8. Clean out the garage
7. Complete the scrapbooking projects I have for the girls
6. Fix up the area I envision as a mudroom (which will cut down on dirt in the house)
5. GO TO THE GYM as often as I want (without feeling guilty)
4. Read a newspaper with coffee in the morning (without feeling guilty)
3. Write a will
2. Read a novel (without feeling guilty)
1. Learn Spanish
The big news for the day is that the Chair of my committee is now back in the U.S.!!! This means he might actually check his email and respond to drafts of my work. That has been, by far, the most frustrating part of my dissertation journey this summer. I put my entire family on financial hold so that I could concentrate full-time on writing my dissertation and whose schedule doesn't jive? My Chair's. An important research paper, presented in Prague, really threw a wrench in my productivity plans.
In one of my blogs (I skimmed but couldn't find reference) from either earlier this year or last year, I focused on my weakness in enjoying the process of things. Hey, I'm a checklist gal and I can't help it. I somewhat enjoy what I do but I enjoy giving myself credit for what I do just as much - and that means even during my free time. It's a little obsessive but I believe it is how I can multi-task well enough to do what I try and do.
Anyways, I remember starting on my full-time writing gig in June and people asking me whether this'd be enough time to complete by July 31. I'd answer, "Well, it better be because it's the only time I've got." And slowly, as my advisor failed to respond, as I learned of his departure from this country during just the time that I had set aside, as I read one of his few responses questioning an entire 2-weeks of work product, and as I considered making this project a masters' thesis I realized that God was probably laughing... I thought I had it figured out and I prayed every night that God wouldn't make this any harder than it had already been. I told Him I'd put aside the time and that this was it and I needed it done now. Sort of like what I am planning on doing with this 75-Day Challenge, but in this Challenge I have conceded to the fact that I'm managing multiple things and my time won't come easy and each decision I make will be a sacrifice to something else I could or should be doing. I get it. I am learning to enjoy it - enjoy the process. Submit. Surrender. Succeed.
So here's to hoping that the draft I sent him this morning (with MANY disclaimers about things that should have been done here, or will be done there) will arrive with comments on some near-future-date that indicate I'm at least on the right track...
To do list:
9. PINTEREST, Baby! That's right, I've never looked KNOWING it is a time-sucker!
8. Clean out the garage
7. Complete the scrapbooking projects I have for the girls
6. Fix up the area I envision as a mudroom (which will cut down on dirt in the house)
5. GO TO THE GYM as often as I want (without feeling guilty)
4. Read a newspaper with coffee in the morning (without feeling guilty)
3. Write a will
2. Read a novel (without feeling guilty)
1. Learn Spanish
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Day 8
Hello,
This past week has been a whirlwind. I'm here; I'm there; I'm everywhere; I'm going no where. I had/have high expectations of myself and I knew/know they were/are a little ridiculous since I had/have no clue what my life would/will be like, day-to-day, with a new job. I do apologize for the slashing of tenses, which I realize may be annoying to the reader. It indicates, however, a slow realization that things need to change but the desire to stick to my guns as much as possible.
I had a long talk with my work mentor yesterday. One of the stupidest things I could have expected of myself was to NOT workout. Another ridiculous thing to assume was that I would be able to read, write and research (no matter what the subject-matter) for more than 12 hours in a day. Then there are the things that I had no way of knowing: Samara is on some new schedule and is up by 5:30am every day (there goes morning time); going to bed not having completed what I want to denies me any good, deep sleep which in turn affects me day after day as lack of sleep accumulates; if I expect myself to blog every day I should have a computer available in the space I prefer to blog, rather than in a place that seems so far away to me (in the depths of my basement office).
While I knew I didn't blog yesterday and freely admitted it, I'm perplexed that there is no blog for Monday... What happened? I thought I blogged? Things like that annoy me. I need a little more oversight regarding this blogging project...
Taking what I've learned this past week, I am going to change a few things around: I will revise my expectations of morning time and give Samara her choice of what to do while I work until Mackenzie wakes up. That morning time is ALL that I will expect of myself in terms of my dissertation during the work week. I will THEN attempt to do my workouts at night. I've been so tired by the time night comes that I can't see straight - but amazingly if at the gym, energy usually finds its way to my body. There is no reading involved so maybe I can make it work... In order to follow through with blogging, I will keep my laptop at my bedside since I usually realize I didn't blog as I'm falling to sleep which also probably affects my sleep-quality.
My goal is 20 hours per week of dissertation writing and doing things this way still gets me about that much. Who knows. So right now, I keep my goals rather unattainable but I will figure this out, I promise.
To do list:
8. Clean out the garage
7. Complete the scrapbooking projects I have for the girls
6. Fix up the area I envision as a mudroom (which will cut down on dirt in the house)
5. GO TO THE GYM as often as I want (without feeling guilty)
4. Read a newspaper with coffee in the morning (without feeling guilty)
3. Write a will
2. Read a novel (without feeling guilty)
1. Learn Spanish
This past week has been a whirlwind. I'm here; I'm there; I'm everywhere; I'm going no where. I had/have high expectations of myself and I knew/know they were/are a little ridiculous since I had/have no clue what my life would/will be like, day-to-day, with a new job. I do apologize for the slashing of tenses, which I realize may be annoying to the reader. It indicates, however, a slow realization that things need to change but the desire to stick to my guns as much as possible.
I had a long talk with my work mentor yesterday. One of the stupidest things I could have expected of myself was to NOT workout. Another ridiculous thing to assume was that I would be able to read, write and research (no matter what the subject-matter) for more than 12 hours in a day. Then there are the things that I had no way of knowing: Samara is on some new schedule and is up by 5:30am every day (there goes morning time); going to bed not having completed what I want to denies me any good, deep sleep which in turn affects me day after day as lack of sleep accumulates; if I expect myself to blog every day I should have a computer available in the space I prefer to blog, rather than in a place that seems so far away to me (in the depths of my basement office).
While I knew I didn't blog yesterday and freely admitted it, I'm perplexed that there is no blog for Monday... What happened? I thought I blogged? Things like that annoy me. I need a little more oversight regarding this blogging project...
Taking what I've learned this past week, I am going to change a few things around: I will revise my expectations of morning time and give Samara her choice of what to do while I work until Mackenzie wakes up. That morning time is ALL that I will expect of myself in terms of my dissertation during the work week. I will THEN attempt to do my workouts at night. I've been so tired by the time night comes that I can't see straight - but amazingly if at the gym, energy usually finds its way to my body. There is no reading involved so maybe I can make it work... In order to follow through with blogging, I will keep my laptop at my bedside since I usually realize I didn't blog as I'm falling to sleep which also probably affects my sleep-quality.
My goal is 20 hours per week of dissertation writing and doing things this way still gets me about that much. Who knows. So right now, I keep my goals rather unattainable but I will figure this out, I promise.
To do list:
8. Clean out the garage
7. Complete the scrapbooking projects I have for the girls
6. Fix up the area I envision as a mudroom (which will cut down on dirt in the house)
5. GO TO THE GYM as often as I want (without feeling guilty)
4. Read a newspaper with coffee in the morning (without feeling guilty)
3. Write a will
2. Read a novel (without feeling guilty)
1. Learn Spanish
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Confessions of a Slacker... Dreamer... Slacker
I have a handful of little tidbits to share today. But I'll get to the point: I'm not doing work today (confession) because I'm dreaming of choreography (dreamer), I know I could have done at least something (slacker) but I'm completely happy where I am at this particular moment except that I have so many dance choreography ideas.
I'll make a concession - I am giving up valuable time this weekend for writing. I am also waiting for my Chair to return to this country - until he does I'm not sure of whether I'm on the right track (but don't let this fool you, it is an excuse).
And another thing: I'm loving my new job. Here's the thing - I am reading, writing, analyzing and advising 12 hours a day, at least five days a week. If I could give all of my time to my new job... wow, that'd be great. I can't right now. I have to give up about 15-20 of those hours for my dissertation. It's hard. I walk out of the office and want to continue my research. I want to wrap up one project to go to the next.
Wanna know why? I'm learning; I'm applying. I'm NOT creating. I'm NOT devising. I am finding loopholes, looking for exceptions, DO-ing. My now-Chair advised me when I started - the dissertation is looking for something new, contributing something new to academia. It is not taking what is there and applying it but it is going beyond, inventing, innovating.
And while that concept isn't foreign to me, it is something I am used to doing when I dance. I... God above, I have so many IDEAS. I want to dance. I want to feel. I want. I want. I want. And I WILL NOT GET until I finish. So I'll do it. But tomorrow (and I mean that). Tomorrow. Wrap up and move on to Ohio case study.
I think I'm on to-do list 5 or 6: Audition for a play (yup. that's what I wrote!!)
I'll make a concession - I am giving up valuable time this weekend for writing. I am also waiting for my Chair to return to this country - until he does I'm not sure of whether I'm on the right track (but don't let this fool you, it is an excuse).
And another thing: I'm loving my new job. Here's the thing - I am reading, writing, analyzing and advising 12 hours a day, at least five days a week. If I could give all of my time to my new job... wow, that'd be great. I can't right now. I have to give up about 15-20 of those hours for my dissertation. It's hard. I walk out of the office and want to continue my research. I want to wrap up one project to go to the next.
Wanna know why? I'm learning; I'm applying. I'm NOT creating. I'm NOT devising. I am finding loopholes, looking for exceptions, DO-ing. My now-Chair advised me when I started - the dissertation is looking for something new, contributing something new to academia. It is not taking what is there and applying it but it is going beyond, inventing, innovating.
And while that concept isn't foreign to me, it is something I am used to doing when I dance. I... God above, I have so many IDEAS. I want to dance. I want to feel. I want. I want. I want. And I WILL NOT GET until I finish. So I'll do it. But tomorrow (and I mean that). Tomorrow. Wrap up and move on to Ohio case study.
I think I'm on to-do list 5 or 6: Audition for a play (yup. that's what I wrote!!)
Monday, August 5, 2013
Dreams
Today I find myself daydreaming - thinking of my new job, thinking of voice lessons with my daughter, thinking of... anything.
But unlike before I don't hate what I'm doing when I sit down to write my dissertation. I really kind of like it - I have a plan and a goal and I have a schedule to meet that goal. In fact, I had a dream last night about the goal - that I wasn't going to meet the goal. I filed a petition with the court (talk about confusing one's role) and the court granted the extension. And I've sat on that thought: not meeting my goal of 75 days. And I'm okay - I mean, the only thing affected is when I graduate. I FIRMLY believe I'm going to get this thing done in 2013 and if nothing else, that is ALL I ask: that I never write a damn thing about equitable distribution in 2014 or any other year in my life - unless I'm being paid to do so as an expert.
I'm not happy with my progress, on its face. But I'm happy with my outlook - for now. I need to find the balance and maintain it. I'll take what I can get, right now, though. I am working each day. I am making progress each day. I am further than I was the day before. I am making this as much of a priority as I possible am able to. I think that is all I ever asked of myself and since I am doing it, I feel oddly okay with myself and less frustrated.
I forgot a new task when I wrote my entry yesterday so now I'm adding two:
5. GO TO THE GYM as often as I want (without feeling guilty)
4. Read a newspaper with coffee in the morning (without feeling guilty)
3. Write a will
2. Read a novel (without feeling guilty)
1. Learn Spanish
But unlike before I don't hate what I'm doing when I sit down to write my dissertation. I really kind of like it - I have a plan and a goal and I have a schedule to meet that goal. In fact, I had a dream last night about the goal - that I wasn't going to meet the goal. I filed a petition with the court (talk about confusing one's role) and the court granted the extension. And I've sat on that thought: not meeting my goal of 75 days. And I'm okay - I mean, the only thing affected is when I graduate. I FIRMLY believe I'm going to get this thing done in 2013 and if nothing else, that is ALL I ask: that I never write a damn thing about equitable distribution in 2014 or any other year in my life - unless I'm being paid to do so as an expert.
I'm not happy with my progress, on its face. But I'm happy with my outlook - for now. I need to find the balance and maintain it. I'll take what I can get, right now, though. I am working each day. I am making progress each day. I am further than I was the day before. I am making this as much of a priority as I possible am able to. I think that is all I ever asked of myself and since I am doing it, I feel oddly okay with myself and less frustrated.
I forgot a new task when I wrote my entry yesterday so now I'm adding two:
5. GO TO THE GYM as often as I want (without feeling guilty)
4. Read a newspaper with coffee in the morning (without feeling guilty)
3. Write a will
2. Read a novel (without feeling guilty)
1. Learn Spanish
Sunday, August 4, 2013
I'm here, aren't I?
Hello,
Today could've been amazing, or well, today. And it was amazing but not in the PhD writing sense. Today I lived in the moment. I made zerberts with Mackenzie and did Swan Lake lifts with Samara - ya know, the important things. I worked on my paper for 45 minutes. Good, but won't get me done in 71 days. I think I have a few days where things might work out so that I have more time than I thought to write, but really - I don't have much room for this "amazing day with family" stuff. But that'll stress me out. Knowing there is some leniency is important; I just can't use that leniency as a crutch. But... ya know. I hadn't seen the kids for about 5 days. It was important for my hips to reacquaint themselves with Z's rear and for my ears to hear Samara's lovely made-up songs.
So, I got some stuff done. Had I worked diligently last night and today, right now I'd be sending my advisor my draft of state one. I'd also be more stressed out than I should be to go to my "real" first day of my new job tomorrow, where summer extravaganza's aren't allowing me to get off of work half a day early... I'll call it a day and worry about all of this tomorrow.
All I know is that I laughed with my girls today and I still found time to get some work done.
Today could've been amazing, or well, today. And it was amazing but not in the PhD writing sense. Today I lived in the moment. I made zerberts with Mackenzie and did Swan Lake lifts with Samara - ya know, the important things. I worked on my paper for 45 minutes. Good, but won't get me done in 71 days. I think I have a few days where things might work out so that I have more time than I thought to write, but really - I don't have much room for this "amazing day with family" stuff. But that'll stress me out. Knowing there is some leniency is important; I just can't use that leniency as a crutch. But... ya know. I hadn't seen the kids for about 5 days. It was important for my hips to reacquaint themselves with Z's rear and for my ears to hear Samara's lovely made-up songs.
So, I got some stuff done. Had I worked diligently last night and today, right now I'd be sending my advisor my draft of state one. I'd also be more stressed out than I should be to go to my "real" first day of my new job tomorrow, where summer extravaganza's aren't allowing me to get off of work half a day early... I'll call it a day and worry about all of this tomorrow.
All I know is that I laughed with my girls today and I still found time to get some work done.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Oh what a feeling!
I friggin did
it. I made it through a state policy analysis and I'm alive... Wait,
what? You say there never was anything to worry about? Then why
have I been so anxious...?? Oh, in my head you say? Huh. Right...
yeah... yup. I will. Okay folks I'm supposed to tell you how I
did. I think I did well today. I friggin FINALLY got through this
section.
In 75 days I will:
3. WRITE MY WILL (yes, I am
without one for the care of my children and it almost scares me to
death except I realize how little such magnitude of fear would help
me in this situation so I calm down and back away...)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)