Fill in the Blank - I'm Too Tired to Think of a Title

I would say that my "drive" is composed mostly of pride and the mere challenge of accomplishing things out of the ordinary.  When you extend yourself too much, with the intent of making your mark in the world, and the journey is so long and tiring, your drive weakens and determination waivers.  When your pride is replanted in the body of a brilliant, young, little learning star, you just don't care anymore.

I started this blog somewhere in May 2010, I think.  At that time, my plate seemed evenly portioned and light enough to balance.  I wanted to continue my work as a professional, pursue my research as a scholar, lose some weight, and BE A MOTHER.  Along the way, the number one piece of advice I've received was to "cherish the time," "don't let time slip away," "remember as much of this experience as you can."

Quite possibly I took it too literally.  I've been so concerned with spending the few hours of time I have with my daughter, that I've let my other priorities slide, and as such, they no longer seem like priorities.  But they are important to me - they make me "me" and they will define "me" to Samara.  Not to mention that this dissertation is a stepping stone - albeit a large one - to a profession and impact on the community that is important to me. 

With some very blunt advice from a few close friends, I've realized that I need to bring my plate back into balance, or I will forever be hard on myself for never completing anything.  Both my parents completed their graduate degrees while I was young.  I am not any the worse for their absences a few nights a week, not like I remember it anyways.  In fact, my mother's pursuit of a law degree while I was in high school was a major reason I pursued the same career.  I do not need research to validate what I already know - watching those with whom you relate do things you thought impossible is empowering. 

Frankly, I don't think this post even makes sense.  But to summarize: I have more on my plate than I did a year ago and I've completed nothing of which I originally set out to accomplish.  Every Sunday night I have bright hopes for how the next week will pan out.  And not one week has gone by in the way that I imagined it.  It is time to buckle down and pass the finish line.  I promise you nothing, but hope to give you something soon.