Checkpoint

I have had a lot of ideas for this blog - this is a special blog.  One year ago, at this time (now 10:40am) I was in labor.  I remember vaguely watching Let's Make a Deal - that's right, always watching a game show - but sans pain medication, it all seemed rather a blur from about this time up until her birth at 1:31pm.  And so while I've been excited to have a checkpoint in my journey as a mother, I am so sick today I can hardly think.  And downstairs, my husband kindly took the day off to watch Samara, who is also very sick. 

In the short term this turn of events - Samara didn't get to wear her "first birthday" outfit to school, she and I can't go swimming tonight, I am praying I make it through my presentation without coughing too violently - a new reality of mine surfaces.  "Do not get frustrated when your plans do not work out they way you'd thought they would."  It is funny I even need to say that since my main motto in life is to "expect the worst and hope for the best."  But it is true, motherhood led me to believe that I could tackle life as I had been, add on this ginormous responsibility of Samara and her needs and growth developments, and after a few months, I'd "adjust."

Here we are, March 29, 2011.  There are so many things on my to do list, undone.  Ranging from longterm -no proposal submitted; to short term - I haven't unpacked my bags from my trip last Friday.  Last week I picked up an organizing magazine.  I am - preferrably - organized; I am - in reality - an organized mess.  The mess part can stress me out like no other.  I read this magazine planning to find ideas to prepare my house to put on the market.  I have tons of ideas but I figured reading from the experts couldn't hurt.  After loving the magazine, I decided I would get a book - I needed something longer, more tangible than a few little magazine articles.  Thinking I was getting a magazine about organizing my house, I picked up Simplify Your Life, by Marcia Ramsland. 

This is a book NOT about organizing your house, but organizing your life.  And lately, my life is a mess. I maintain ONE simple daily routine and that is my 4pm to 8pm time with Samara.  Other than that, your guess is as good as mine what I might be doing.  The "I'll do it tomorrow" mentality was becoming suffocating.  Then reading this book was like a "coming home," if you will.  On the one hand, I was rather proud of myself since many of the techniques Marcia discussed were ones that I somehow did already.  I was a little frustrated, however, because if I have that knowledge why isn't it successfully getting me out of this mess?

The elements that Marcia introduced to me were ways to not feel drowned if you didn't meet your personal goals for that day.  She gave me formulas - i.e. you should not have plans more than 2 out of the 3 weekend nights and more than 2 out of the 4 weekday nights.  If you do, you are headed toward crisis.  This is a part of reading your calendar horizontally - looking ahead, learning to use your schedule as a warning for when you might have a meltdown; learning to schedule events so as to avoid a meltdown.  And she is so right.  Thankfully this particular week is actually rather quiet, but the three weeks before this have been very very difficult, with so many things to do and so many places to be.

So the point is, I plan to organize and simplify my life over the next year.  I hope to write a much more "accomplished" email in one year, but I know that figuring it all out is a huge step in the right direction.