I remember the first time I ran a mile… There were plenty of times my dad had tried
to take me running with him, but we’d made it about 10 houses down the street
and I’d turn around and walk home. I've always blamed that particular weakness in my stamina on my dance training. Certainly for most of my life I've been in
some sort of acceptable physical shape, and while I was a dancer, I was in
great shape. As a dancer you either
condition and tone or, especially during rehearsal and performance, you exert
excessive amounts of energy in a short period of time – what we might call a
sprint.
So I’ve always claimed that if I ever were to be a runner,
I’d sprint. Yet, high school gym class
rolls around and the physical fitness challenge rears its ugly head and I am
told I have to run a mile. I remember
Mr. Michelson giving us pointers – us the whiny group in the back that couldn't IMAGINE having to run such a long distance.
“Don’t clinch your hands – you exert extra energy that way,” or “Remain
calm and breath. It’s all a matter of
how you perceive this.”
And I suppose I made it through the mile – okay, well
OBVIOUSLY I made it through the mile, but more prevalent in my mind remains,
“It’s all a matter of how you perceive it.”
Fast forward to today.
I do not, unfortunately, have the resources available to me to continue
my dance studies – those resources being money, time or a local York-based dance
company (yes, I do get rather depressed when I realize this trifecta). So I've turned my attention to other types of
fitness, one of which is completing a race / obstacle event each month.
So realize: for me the goal is to complete the event; to do
it and be done with it. I tell myself I
will do the training necessary but I rarely give it as much attention as my
body deserves (recall, if you will, stress fracture of 2011 when I did the an
11-mile navy seals obstacle course with hardly any training)
Dare I now take the threads of this conversation and weave
them into my revelation about law school and completing my dissertation?
So realize: for law school, the goal was to pass the bar –
and you DO. You study, HARD, for
months. You cram, you worry, you throw
up, you bite your nails, pull out your hair, you wish you’d never considered law… but in 3-4 months
time, you've done all that you can do, you take the 2-day exam and then go have
a beer while you create a Plan B since you're sure you didn't pass.
So as I am running a few weeks ago on the beautiful York County Rail
Trail, taking in the foliage of falling leaves and the colors of autumn, it
occurs to me – seriously – for the first time in my life I am ENJOYING the
run. I actually am having a good time
running! For the first time it wasn't about logging in my calories burned and posting them against my food intake and
learning how many beers I would be allowed that night. (ha! It’s true!)
So it got me thinking… My dissertation advisor, more than a
hundred times, has told me that the dissertation is not a sprint. And I've only ever thought in my mind,
“Little does he know, I’m a sprinter.
How’d I get myself into this mess?”
When I had this little aha moment about how I can enjoy running, and not
just relish the result, I realized why this dissertation has been so damned
difficult. Sure, I started it while in
law school, took the bar exam, had two children, have said good bye to two very
loved people in my life, moved, changed jobs… but those are EVENTS. They happen – certainly the
children stay with you, grow with you, become you… but leaving the "journey of motherhood" aside for the moment, I realized that the dissertation is a
marathon.
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