I'm happy to be posting this. I feel as if I've made some really good strides in the scheme of this thing... I mean, I've contacted 10 states and the U.S. Dept. of Ed. for interviews - seven of those folks got back to me within one week, which I consider amazing. While I had a difference of opinion with my Chair, I persisted in the avenue I felt would benefit me best, he conceded, and I moved forward with a consent process. And I finalized a draft of my case study which I had revised significantly in response to my Chair's feedback.
It could all fall through; it could all just fall apart. Some states may not respond, may not call me back or may not provide useful data. That would be the best case scenario in thinking of how things could go wrong. I may not be approved to do these interviews. While not entirely the worst thing in the world, it will result in a lot of paperwork and time consumption. Not entirely what I want to do. And I could find out that I completely misunderstood my Chair's feedback and he might just throw my case study back in my face. As long as the feedback is constructive, I don't really mind, I suppose.
In the end, I've rounded a corner. If I were taking a walk around the block, I'd say I'd be halfway there... But there are a lot of corners to the dissertation process. You have to pass 2 72-hour exams, which I did so long ago I don't remember when - pre-children, I'll put it that way. You have to select a worthy topic. That's a HARD one (and the one I struggled with most and sort of regret not reconsidering at this point but oh well) You have to write the proposal; then you must defend the proposal.
That was me as of January 2012. I'd taken four turns around the corner. Four steps forward. And then I sort of stalled; for a year and a half, minus a couple of months of work that in the end I had to throw out (for various reasons).
To get started again I had to sort of retrace my steps around those initial corners to even know what I was doing. That took some time. And ever since I've been trying to collect data. I've been trying to solidify the format and direction of my case studies. I've been working on interview questions
And those attempts have turned into concrete products that I've recently pushed out to other people for their feedback and opinion. This is big. This is good.
I have a long way yet to go - many more corners to turn in the octagonal boxing ring which encompasses the fight of my life. I have to complete 9 more case studies MUCH MUCH more quickly if I'm to graduate in May. I've got to conduct 11 interviews, write them up and incorporate them into my case studies. I have to analyze the results of the case studies as they relate to my research questions. I must revise my Lit Review and then write my Methodology, Intro and Conclusion; and then I must edit.
Anyways, I'm happy. I've done a lot with a long way to go. And I don't mind.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Sunday, November 10, 2013
WMDD
Nope, not a radio station, although arguably those of us trying to muster through our dissertations could really use some 24-7 inspiration.
Similar to WWJD and LMFAO, OMG and BRB (the list could go on) this acronym best captures the phrase I utter at least once per day and think at least fifty times more.
Drum roll... "When My Dissertation's Done." Said often, thought SO much!
And while I say it often, I usually fail to consider how those on the receiving end of the comment feel. But last night, an honest friend gave me a glimpse. "You know, you really need to get this thing done. How often are you going to say that?"
I laughed - because I prefer honesty and I too say the same thing to myself all the time. How often do you say "after?" I suppose I could say, "HODYSA?"
And the timeline. Oh the ever-changing timeline and deadline and tasks to be done and... this that and the other... The sicknesses and work-tasks, the milestones and the desire to do that which is just "every day."
It's a whirlwind to me so I can't expect anyone else to understand. And while I don't expect everyone to care enough to understand the intricate details of my day-to-day struggles and accomplishments, I promise you those who care about my general progress and well-being are those I'll keep close to me. And for those who wonder when the hell I'll finish this and can't wait around to find out, that's fine. Just like law school, I'll learn who my friends are.
And I try hard not to talk about it too much - God forbid. But if the conversation is about "when" something will happen, what do you expect my answer to be?
This is an extraordinarily long process that I debate having ever started but will muster through to the end. You may join me, if you'd like, I'll be there, I promise - WMDD. :-)
Similar to WWJD and LMFAO, OMG and BRB (the list could go on) this acronym best captures the phrase I utter at least once per day and think at least fifty times more.
Drum roll... "When My Dissertation's Done." Said often, thought SO much!
And while I say it often, I usually fail to consider how those on the receiving end of the comment feel. But last night, an honest friend gave me a glimpse. "You know, you really need to get this thing done. How often are you going to say that?"
I laughed - because I prefer honesty and I too say the same thing to myself all the time. How often do you say "after?" I suppose I could say, "HODYSA?"
And the timeline. Oh the ever-changing timeline and deadline and tasks to be done and... this that and the other... The sicknesses and work-tasks, the milestones and the desire to do that which is just "every day."
It's a whirlwind to me so I can't expect anyone else to understand. And while I don't expect everyone to care enough to understand the intricate details of my day-to-day struggles and accomplishments, I promise you those who care about my general progress and well-being are those I'll keep close to me. And for those who wonder when the hell I'll finish this and can't wait around to find out, that's fine. Just like law school, I'll learn who my friends are.
And I try hard not to talk about it too much - God forbid. But if the conversation is about "when" something will happen, what do you expect my answer to be?
This is an extraordinarily long process that I debate having ever started but will muster through to the end. You may join me, if you'd like, I'll be there, I promise - WMDD. :-)
Monday, November 4, 2013
I blame Sesame Street
It's time for a blog post - been a while - and I have no idea where to start. I have not entirely much to add to the world of readership and bloggerhood. I have plenty of whines and cries, aches and sorrows - "boo hoo, Leigh. The world is falling apart in so many ways and you're worried about how you can add to the scholarly world by writing a piece of crap that means nothing to very few people."
And while this entire process is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do in life - something that has not come to me through luck, persistence or skill - it isn't really that hard. I mean, the endeavor in and of itself: the dissertation document. I've been smart enough [note cynicism] to add the difficulty along the way. And I have a great family, a wonderful life, a job I love, plenty of things to live for, a community around me I am eager to help - but it won't really be mine to have and enjoy until I get this damned thing done.
Lately I just don't care. I could add any sweet molasses (which I hate) way of looking at this as I want, and it doesn't get me downstairs to my computer. I'll tell you the number one culprit - Sesame Street. For the life I me, I cannot stay awake through an entire episode. It's my NyQuil, my drug, my excuse. I snooze through that show, starting right around Abby's Flying Fairy School, which usually excuses me from bedtime tuck-ins with the girls because I'm snoring on the coach. I wake up around 8:30pm and I transfer myself from couch to bed and that's that.
I am contrary right now - have been for 2 weeks when it comes to working on my dissertation on week nights. This means I refuse to glean any sort of lesson or take away point from this. I'm mad, angry. I think I have to try early morning wake-ups again, which means NO running for me... another thing that irks me. But again, the world is falling apart. It is the least I could do to shut up and deal with it. The least I could do is stop using Sesame Street as an excuse.
And while this entire process is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do in life - something that has not come to me through luck, persistence or skill - it isn't really that hard. I mean, the endeavor in and of itself: the dissertation document. I've been smart enough [note cynicism] to add the difficulty along the way. And I have a great family, a wonderful life, a job I love, plenty of things to live for, a community around me I am eager to help - but it won't really be mine to have and enjoy until I get this damned thing done.
Lately I just don't care. I could add any sweet molasses (which I hate) way of looking at this as I want, and it doesn't get me downstairs to my computer. I'll tell you the number one culprit - Sesame Street. For the life I me, I cannot stay awake through an entire episode. It's my NyQuil, my drug, my excuse. I snooze through that show, starting right around Abby's Flying Fairy School, which usually excuses me from bedtime tuck-ins with the girls because I'm snoring on the coach. I wake up around 8:30pm and I transfer myself from couch to bed and that's that.
I am contrary right now - have been for 2 weeks when it comes to working on my dissertation on week nights. This means I refuse to glean any sort of lesson or take away point from this. I'm mad, angry. I think I have to try early morning wake-ups again, which means NO running for me... another thing that irks me. But again, the world is falling apart. It is the least I could do to shut up and deal with it. The least I could do is stop using Sesame Street as an excuse.
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