Resonance

The context in which the events that occurred this past Saturday are indeed ironic, and of course, tragic.  First, it was September 11 - a day where senseless killing is felt throughout America.  Second, it was the day after World Suicide Prevention Day. Third, while the events occurred, I was at a fundraiser for the York County Suicide Prevention Coalition.  And so, as an adult and close friend of the couple thought to be victims of a murder-suicide, I am finding it hard to cope.

Yet the significance of this event, and the trouble I find in "making it through," resonates deeper.  I have worked with children who live in challenging environments for eight years (I HATE the phrases "inner-city" or "at-risk" but feel free to insert said phrases if it helps in understanding).  And as I work with these children, race, teacher-quality, resource-availability, infrastructure, politics, and power are the hot topics that emerge as the reasons for why our public schools do not deliver an equitable education throughout our nation.

Do me a favor: sit down and ASK a child where "the system" (any system, because there are many) failed them. A majority of children will identify a traumatic circumstance in their life as the point where they went off-track.  Certainly children from all socio-economic circumstances experience trauma.  And it isn't necessarily the trauma itself that is the problem, but the follow-through.  Most children I talk with (and these are youth who are truant or have dropped out) identify the loss of a friend or relative to violence as the time where they lost interest in and control of their lives.  But without counseling and consideration of these children's circumstances, youth learn to cope in their own ways.  So while some children work through their loss in therapy, many of our youth continue to attend school with nary a mention of their loss.  In fact, when their anger and confusion finally breaks through and they act out, they are labelled as "failing," "at-risk," "troubled," "challenging," "a danger," "a problem child," "different," "a bad influence," [INSERT HERE]; they are placed in an alternative education setting, and learn to believe these labels.  Why not do as your told?

And my point is this: for any of these children who have experienced a loss due to violence I simply cannot imagine what life is like.  Period.  Going through this, as I mentioned, as an adult and as a friend who has pretty well-tuned coping skills, is one thing.  But to be the relative of a murder/suicide victim is absolutely incomprehensible to me.  The whys of the murder, the whys of the suicide, they whys of life could - in all honesty - easily put me on a path to self-destruction.  So what was once a black-and-white text book concept, will resonate blood-red with me for a lifetime.