I've had the privilege - I do actually mean "privilege"- of experiencing two extraordinarily different processes to obtaining a doctorate: the juris doctorate ("JD") and the doctorate of philosophy ("PhD"). I started my pursuit of the JD in 2004; the PhD in 2006. I finished my JD, as a full-time employee/part-time student, in 2008 and passed the Bar Exam during the same year. After coursework, a comprehensive exam and a field exam, I started my proposal work for my PhD in 2009, defended my proposal in 2012... and, well, await the defense process for the dissertation.
In discussion with the few folks who have the ability to explain the difference between two, I've been told that the JD is a sprint while the PhD is a marathon. This analogy is, for the most part, true of the JD - everything is scripted for you - take this number of credits, focus on these classes, graduate, etc. - and then from Memorial Day of one year to the end of July of the same year, you put aside everything for which you have any concern and you LIVE and BREATHE the law. You study as if you have no other care in the world, and it is best if you truly don't. If you're lucky, and I do mean that since plenty of brilliant people I know did not pass the Bar Exam the first time, you pass the Exam and can go back to the people you love to take on what may be a new career path. And for the most part, that was the JD process for me. I could not drop everything since I was working full time, but with no children at the time, and little else on my plate, that was my focus.
The PhD, for me however, has NOT been a marathon. Paralleling my academic path, as some of you may know is this: in 2006 I moved from Maryland to Pennsylvania (creating a long commute); in 2007 I got married; in 2008 I changed jobs; in 2010 I changed jobs, had my first daughter, and lost a very good friend of mine; in 2011 I lost my grandfather, in 2012 I had my second daughter; in 2013 I changed jobs and in 2014 I lost my grandmother (and any hope of defending the dissertation).
I would like to point out, before you read any further, that my path is not unlike any other person getting their PhD who is mid-career. Yes, many people do not have a JD under their belt already, but for most of the people who I meet who are trying to complete their PhD - for those at higher education institutions where the PhD is something to work for rather than spoon-fed - the process has been long and the years of life changes have been huge stumbling blocks.
Given these stumbling blocks, I've decided the PhD is NOT a marathon... it is a Tough Mudder: filled with obstacles. The Tough Mudder is a 10-12 mile obstacle course designed to test all-around strength, stamina, teamwork and mental grit. I should point out that I've done four Tough Mudders and zero marathons (I had a marathon planned for June 2015, but due to dissertation-extension, it's been taken off my calendar). Any conjecture I make as to how the Tough Mudder is harder than a marathon is merely conjecture. So yes, I imagine that a marathon is hard because it is long and requires all of the qualities listed for the Tough Mudder.
Here's the thing: a marathon is 26.2 miles; sit in traffic on any one highway for long enough and you'll be reminded through someone's bumper sticker. I would imagine, that as you run a marathon there is some idea - if not through a runner's app such a MapMyRun - of where you are on the course and how long you have left until you reach 26.2 miles. Conversely, notice how the description of the Tough Mudder says, "a 10-12 mile obstacle course..." So you don't know when you start, nor while you are completing it, for how long you'll be on this obstacle course. Now, I suppose for someone seasoned to run 26.2 miles, a measly 10 OR 12 miles is nothing. But for me, who completed her first Tough Mudder when 3 miles was a big deal, 10 miles seemed like forever and 12 miles seemed impossible.
And that mental grit mentioned is exactly what I did NOT have. My first Tough Mudder was really awful. Probably - I guess - at about the six-mile marker I just wanted it to be done and rather than DO the obstacles and be in the moment, I spent the entire rest of the course wishing for it to be over... So, the obstacles vary - leaping over fire, carrying logs on your shoulder while ascending a steep ski slope, jumping off high planks, running through live wire, 3-mile trail runs, etc. etc. That very first Tough Mudder I took was hard for me because I had NO IDEA WHEN IT WOULD END. I had no idea if I was three miles through, seven miles through or around the corner from the finish line.
So this, folks, is why a dissertation is like a Tough Mudder. I have no damned idea when it will be over. I was told that upon giving it to my Chair, and upon his approval to send it to my Committee, and upon my readers' approval that I would defend, edit, submit graduation paperwork and be on my merry way, across the stage and into PhD-dom. Ever since I gave that 400-page document to my Chair - June 2014 - I have had no control over the process and not a clue when it will end. My Chair took two months just to get me substantive feedback, which was mostly positive, and then took his time giving me permission to send to my Committee "at my own risk." From there, it seems there have been some academic disputes over the scope, direction and focus of my work that my readers and Chair continue to discuss. I wait. I get feedback, apply, and wait again.
In the end I hope that this is a 12-mile Tough Mudder course and that I'm at mile ten. The title of this blog, "I do not whine - kids whine," is one of the elements of the pledge we're required to state prior to the race (after having honored wounded warriors). The other four are: I understand that Tough Mudder is not a race, but a challenge; I put teamwork and comaraderie before my course time; I help my fellow mudders complete the course; I overcome all fears.
And it's true: I've embraced these five pledge elements in my life as a part of this dissertation: I have learned that this is NOT a race but a very difficult learning, academic process. I have learned much from this, about my life, my priorities and who I am. While I would like to finish soon I have to keep my family going and learn to balance my priorities to keep everyone happy (and sane). I have met great people who I have helped and who have helped me, as we all try and finish this process some day soon. And I have overcome fears. I have confronted failure; I have confronted giving up; but more importantly, I have learned that I have to confront those who disagree with me on something VERY personal to me (not a case I've read that affects a client). I have had to defend my personal work that encompasses five years of blood, sweat, tears and sacrifice.
I should point out that my second Tough Mudder was AWESOME! I knew not to expect an end, I had trained to run 13 miles so that 12 miles wouldn't seem so bad, and I embraced each obstacle course. I LOVED it!!
At the end of the Tough Mudder you get a free beer, along with a sweatband and a lot of muddy clothes. After this first Tough Mudder I also got bad shin splints which required a boot for six months. At the end of this dissertation, I'll have the label of "doctor" and a lot of student loans to start paying off. What I take away from both of these experiences are more than physical and it is for this reason I'm not going to rush the label of "doctor" any more. I'll take it one day at a time knowing that there is no other way to deal with an experience that has no definite end.
