So here it is. August.
There are few ways I imagined this month of August 2014.
1. In a huge stroke of luck I would have already defended my dissertation and would be making my edits this month.
2. I would have sent my dissertation edits to my committee and would be awaiting the responses from my committee members, preparing to defend any day.
3. I would have my edits back from my Chair and would be preparing to send the draft to my committee.
4. Etc., etc., etc.
Here is what is actually happening. My Chair's life is just a little bit overwhelming for him right now (not to sound dramatic but it is unfair for me to air his personal life in cyberspace so I'll just leave it at that) and he cannot meet my preferred deadlines.
Yes. I'm paying tuition for another semester in which I'll receive little if any instruction.
But it's time to get even. I await his edits but there is so much more in my life that matters. And all along there has been so much more in my life that has mattered but I've been unable to really overcome the speed bump of a dissertation that's been in my way. I think my self-pity for getting in over my head caused me to wallow. It is great to encounter so many people who have read about my diss-journey via Facebook. At least once a day someone asks me how it is going. And frankly, a part of me is embarrassed that I needed the pressure of setting public deadlines in order to get my butt in gear. But it is what it is.
And it's time to get even.
No. I'm no angry. I'm not settling the score with anyone. It's time to even out my life that has been so damned weighed down with one single topic. It's time to BE with family. It's time to WORK at work. It's time to FOCUS on those things that matter. And there is so much that matters.
If July is a sign of how much I can catch up on the things that need to be done in my house, it's a good sign. It's a very odd thing to have "free" time but it isn't free. There is so much to do. So many people to payback and BE with and KNOW. There are two little ones who have waited so long for Saturdays with me - and they have been WONDERFUL Saturdays. There are trips to see my nephew awaiting me. There is a basement to be cleaned and a house to be renovated and bills to be filed and memories to be documented. That is what 2014 is about for me. Getting even. Finding balance. Living. Being.
And yes. Waiting. It'll come - that day when I get edits, make edits, send off my diss. It's not yet. But I'm okay with that too.
